Frat House
by The Astrology Nerd
Summary: This isn't your average Snow White remake. The dwarves are in college and supply drugs to everyone, while the evil queen is an online stalker. Prepare to be disturbed. Based on my theatre class's skit.


Frat House

DISCLAIMER: This story is based off a skit my theatre class improvised the other day, and I tried to copy everything they said. I played Happy. I hope you will be Happy after you read this story. :D And the internet screenname for the evil queen is wIcKeD WiTCh, which will be used as her regular name. Confused? OK, good. I don't own nothing, not even Google.

* * *

"So, what are you up to?" xXSarahXx typed on her keyboard.

"Laptop, laptop, on the desk: Who's the fairest? Who's the best?"wIcKeD WiTCh replied.

"Snow White, lol" xXSarahXx replied back.

"OMG I'm going to kill her!" wIcKeD WiTCh furiously typed. She grabbed her gun and ran out the door. Snow White was walking down the sidewalk in front of wIcKeD WiTCh's house. wIcKeD WiTCh took her gun and aimed for Snow White's throat. Unfortunately for her, Snow White let out a high-pitched squeal and ran towards the nearby college campus. "Aw, so close." wIcKeD WiTCh muttered and went back into the house.

Snow White, meanwhile, made her way towards Pi Beta Pi, the largest frat house on the street. "Aw, it's so cute!" she squealed. She knocked on the door and waited for someone to let her in. After about ten minutes, and nobody had showed up, she walked in. As she came inside, she noticed a table with an assortment of odd substances, many of which she couldn't describe. She went over and picked up a bottle of a powdery white substance. "HEY!" a voice snapped from behind. "Don't touch my stuff!" Snow White quickly backed away, dropping the bottle back down on the table.

"I-I'm sorry!" Snow White shrieked. "I-I-I had no idea, uh, w-who are you?"

"Doc. Don't touch this again." Doc began picking up the stuff on the table. "Dran-o, gasoline, sugar…" he named the items as he took them.

"O-ok then…" Snow White turned away, only to face a bouncy, giggling brunette.

"Hi! I'm Happy! You like coffee?" the girl said, offering Snow White her double-tall cappuccino from Starbucks.

"Uh, no thanks…" Snow White backed away slowly.

"I like coffee! Yay coffee! Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee!" Happy ran around the desk, flapping her arms around like an idiot. She tripped over her shoelace and fell flat on her face.

A creepy blonde boy dressed completely in black sauntered his way over to Snow White. "I'm Stabby," he said menacingly. "You afraid of a little BLADE?" He took out a Swiss Army knife and pointed it straight at her chest. She screamed.

Just then, two girls that had gotten high came in, stumbling around and crashing to the floor. "That's Dopey," Stabby pointed his knife toward the olive-skinned one, "and Stoner." he pointed to the redhead. "Don't worry about them; they're always like that."

"Yeah, just step over them." Happy added, getting up off the floor.

A petite nerd with severe allergies came up. "I'm Sneezy," she said, snot dripping down her face. "Do you happen to have a Kleenex?"

Snow White shook her head. She looked over at the girl next to Sneezy. The girl-at least Snow White assumed it was a girl-was completely dressed in black, her hood covering most of her face. She was slashing her wrists with her steak knife. "Hi, there." Snow White said cheerfully.

"Don't talk to me," the girl snapped, pausing her cutting. "I'm being angsty at the moment."

"Why not?" Snow White asked.  
"GO AWAY UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE!" the girl hissed.

"That's Emo." Sneezy sniffled. "Hey, do you need a place to stay?"

"Yeah, do you want to stay here? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?" Happy was jumping up and down like a madwoman.

"Um, sure…" Snow White said, slightly disturbed by the caffeinated Happy.

"YAY!" Happy squealed, sprinting across the room and crashing headfirst into the wall.

* * *

wIcKeD WiTCh had been planning her next attack on Snow White. _This time_, she thought, _after all those extensive Google searches and trying to find decent driving directions, I'll get her for sure!_ She went into the fridge and pulled out a rotten apple. "Sweet." wIcKeD WiTCh cackled. She ran down the street to Pi Beta Pi and slipped the disgusting moldy fruit through the mail slot.

Snow White went over to the door and picked up the apple. "Ooh, someone left an apple! It looks a little old, but I'm sure it'll be just as tasty as a fresh apple." She ate it, and collapsed on the floor.

It had been several hours before someone noticed Snow White sprawled out on the floor. Happy ran over to her and began poking her on the shoulder. "Poke." Happy said each time she poked Snow White. Sneezy came up from the other direction and accidentally sneezed all over Snow White. Happy pulled her finger away at the exact moment Sneezy's snot hit. "Ewwww." Happy wiped her finger on her pants.

"I think we should call the hospital." Sneezy suggested.

"Good idea." Happy reached for the phone. "Hello, 911? We have an emergency, so can you please bring an ambulance to Pi Beta Pi? Please? Please? Please? Please? OK bye." She slammed the phone back down. "OK, they're coming."

A few minutes later, a paramedic rushed to Snow White's side. "OK, I'm just going to give her a small shock. Stand back," he ordered, taking out a defibrillator. "Clear," he said, shocking Snow White.

She groggily opened her eyes, the paramedic being the first thing she saw. "Jesus?" she asked.

* * *

Yeah, odd, wasn't it? Anyway, the reason she said "Jesus?" at the end was because the kid playing the paramedic is named Jesús. Hoped you enjoyed it! 


End file.
